I'm crying because I can't smile.
I'm crying because I can't stand up on my own.
I’m crying because I’m alone.
I’m crying because I don’t belong.
I’m crying because I can’t see if there’s anyone there to catch me when I fall.
I’m crying because I love you so much.
I’m crying because you see everything except the most important.
I'm crying because you're not there.
I’m crying because I’m scared.
I’m crying because it hurts.

Last day of grade eleven! As expected, I did nothing. We watched 12 Angry Men in English, then an episode of House and ate the way through it. In physics, Mr Scott was there so I did two physics multiple choice questions and then l I visited the music room. So that was fun. After lunch was trivia. Yes. Because we had Zibb and co, we won. Even without literature questions! And Ms Townend giving other groups bonus points. Heh. Chocolate win YAY!

I now have Photoshop CS4. Which is cause for celebration because I haven’t had Photoshop for ages. I also have tonnes of movies and dramas and TV shows on my hard drives. Let’s see how long they last me…

By the way, the title has pretty much nothing to do with this post.

Second last day of school. Today consisted of learning absolutely nothing. In English, we watched an episode of Yes Minister and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Study was... study. I wrote down a couple of pseudo-headings for my EE and then watched the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother with Dharma. After lunch was CPR, which was dumb. Though apparently Gorman's trying to start a new trend that involves tucking his tie into his shirt. O.o I have no idea. Chem was... reading chat logs. Because Natt was at SIT with the grade 10s. I was actually glad, because then I wouldn't have to waste energy pretending that I was learning anything. Physics involved doing nothing (i.e. wikipedia-ing) and in Mando, the one class that I expected to do work in, Mr Leong had a headache so I spent most of that lesson pretending to be looking for stuff pertaining to EE. So that was fun.

We also got our new timetables. No one in our grade had English, so that was funny - apparently no one in grade 10 (this year) had CAS. Fail!much? I also found out that because there are two physics classes on my line, and both teachers are leaving, Baker is teaching the other class. WHICH IS DUMBB. EPIC FAIL. Hopefully we get an okay English teacher, though. Or else I will seriously contemplate strangling someone.

I'm currently drinking Assam Milk Tea. I have no idea in the world what assam is, but it tastes like normal milk tea so I'll take my chances. It's really very good. I think we have another bottle in the pantry. *steal*. If anyone reading this is looking for something epicly sad to read after finishing this, I may link you here: www.facebook.com/group.php and then keep going to the discussion board. It makes me laugh and shake my head in disgust at the same time. Sad deluded, children, as Verity said. Anyway.

I hate it when you see the sky crumbling, and all you can do is admire the rolling blacks and blues.

Since it's Thanksgiving tomorrow in America and I have to do more EE note taking, I am going to make a list of things I'm thankful for. Just a note. It ranges from the inane and seemingly dumb to something else at the end of the spectrum. (Insert chemistry reference and chuckle here).

• I'm thankful for sunshine because you know, who doesn't love sunshine and bright and happy?
• I'm thankful for rain. Because it's refreshing and I love the sound and the smell of rain. Not like flood-esque rain, just normal rain.
• I'm thankful for Gossip Girl and Glee. Because it reminds me that I'm not as screwed up as some of the people on there. The hot guys also help. xD
• I'm thankful for multicoloured pens. How boring would the world be if there were only black and blue pens?
• I'm thankful for dresses, because they're always so pretty and easy to wear and such. Specifically maxi dresses because they're epic prettiness, amongst other things.
• I'm thankful for music. It's beautiful, it keeps the world running, and God knows how many times it's saved me from insanity of multiple kinds.
• I'm thankful for olives. They're so small, and people normally don't recognise/take note of them, but they're so wonderful and flavourful and amazingg.
• I'm thankful for my friends. They're an amazing bunch of patient people (especially Zibb, Alex, Lisa and Johnny. Maybe Lisa not so much), and I don't know where I'd be without them. Again, probably the depths of insanityyy.
• I'm thankful for purple. It's so majestic and royal and playful (at times). It always cheers me up.
• I'm thankful for sparkly lights. They cheer me up too, unless they're too sparkly and then they just blind me.
• I'm thankful for tears... they wash away everything and (most times) allow me to start clean.
• I'm thankful for exclamation marks. Sure, they can be annoying, but they can brighten up a conversation. Or an email.
• I'm thankful for words and novels. Without them, I'd be completely lost.
• I'm thankful for angels. The angels in my life and in anyone else's lives. You guys always make me smile, make me laugh. I can think of you when I'm not feeling so good and the world turns.

♥ ~ ♥

In other news, I nearly died today scratching my eyes out (or some other way) because it was so boring. I think the only bits that helped were when Ms Bullock kind of went through the EE criteria... I don't think I listened as much as just copied everything down, and when we had to start doing some ToK planning. All of CAS was zzzzzzzzzzz, and as a result, this is my desktop. Enjoy. I'm off now. To hopefully start reading another boring book, and then another, and then another until I finish reading boring books and then have to start analysing the freaking suite.

This is partly in procrastination of having to read two million things on Bach and the suites and whatnot, and partly to take my mind off stuff I shouldn't be thinking about. And denial and so forth.

EE day today was actually really good. I now know what motivic repetition is. Contrary to Johnny's opinion, it doesn't mean the repetition of a motive or motivated repetition. It's the repetition of a motif. Which is actually really very important to what I'm doing. So luckily I got that cleared up. Also, the one paragraph in this one book that related to my topic and I didn't know what the hell it meant - I do know what it means now. It's so simple. But I guess the person who wrote it was like, 'I must confuse potential EE students' and then wrote it massively complicatedly. Fun.

I did manage to take notes, find a couple of articles that I may use. Which is good. I did have to lug about ten kilos worth of books home... which was excellente. I also now have ten different scores of the first suite in my house. It's stupid how there's no autographed copy of the cello suites when there's one of everything else Bach wrote (I think), so the good part of most information on the suites or prefaces or what not is devoted to the 'OMG WHO THE HELL ACTUALLY WROTE THE FREAKING SUITES AND HOW THIS EDITION RELATES TO IT'. It's interesting the first couple of times you read about it.. but after that, it's really not.

I have ToK/CAS/EE day tomorrow. I have no idea how they're going to do all that in what is technically a half day. We'll see. Moreover. (Moreover!?) Our grade has CPR whatnot on Thursday. Apparently we're going to learn it in half an hour. Optimistic there, Gorman?

Anyway. I'm going to go back to attempting to read this book/tome/whatever it is in the hope of salvaging something useful from it.

Today wasn't so bad. So this will probably be relatively short. It was EE day. The first of two. Fun. First we had to do exercise-y stuff which was annoying... I tried to avoid as much of it as possible. YAY. Next was cyber-schooling, which was basically a tutorial on how to search for crap on the UQ library site. It wasn't actually THAT boring, though some of the stuff we were told was pretty common sensical.

Then was lunch. Lunch was fun. We got styrofoam packaged lunch pack things, half of which I gave away... I think my sultana-cake-thing is being fed to Lisa's dog. O.o Then we spent the better part of an hour watching people splash around in the pool and talking about icy poles and microslips and microsleeps. Oh, and red apples and green apples and the original eight flavours of juice. Which Brendan can apparently recite off by heart. Not scary at all. Not sad, either.

After lunch was 'let's walk to the architecture and music library in blazing heat'. Which again, was fun. And we'd spent about two minutes in the lovely air conditioned library when I had to turn back and go for my CAS interview. I don't know what I did to make myself so freaked about that interview (maybe minimal journalling and giving up journalling before it was due had something to do with it), but it was epicly fine. S's for me everywhere YAY.

The rest of the day wasn't so bad... I made Brendan get my books for me (the first three) - I got the other two million. But they're actually pretty interesting. I'm now reading a thesis about the Bach suites for viola, after finishing reading a journal article about 'tonal puns' in the Bach suites. Fun. There were epic heavy books that I didn't borrow today - I'll borrow them tomorrow.. hopefully I'll get some more work done tomorrow. As a side note, the architecture and music library has a spinet. It's not in tune, but it's pretty awesome anyway.

Finally, I hate loud noises. Loud noises are bad. They shouldn't exist.

I have decided that this whole talking to a non-existent entity (i.e. my computer?) is actually quite good for me. A kind of self-therapy, if you will. I always talk to myself in my head – it’s kind of annoying at times, but pretty good for the most part. The bad part is that duh, I’m talking to myself, so duh, no one will either A, care, or B, know. I used to write stuff out, like physically write it (I now realise that this is another of my symptom-y things I have to add to my list), but there are very good chances that people I don’t want to read it (i.e. parents) will read it. I highly doubt they have the ability to hack into my computer to find such ramblings-on, etc, either. So it’s safer if I just type. Also, a very small amount of people actually read this, and I can always friends-lock it. But I guess putting it out there is a bit better than just keeping a document on my computer. It doesn’t beat actually talking to someone about stuff, but I guess it will have to do, and it will help throughout the holidays. If I keep this up, some (most) of it may be complain-y, annoying and depressing. And if it does turn out this way, I’m really sorry. (Just stop reading… I guess.)

( Again. Lengthy. Fun. )

This one’s a long one. Because I was bored and I needed to let most of this out. Since I do not have a dummy to talk to (nor do I really desire one) or you know, a real live person, I shall type. And people can read it if they want.

So. Today I went for a walk (everyone else was out of the house), and then sat down in this place that kind of resembles a park/playground and I read. I think it’s good I went for a walk today – I normally get my exercise from walking the however many kilometres to and from school from the bus stops I get off at. It’s also good cause I guess I needed to walk some stuff off, and have the wind blow in my face and get away from my computer for a bit. Exercise is also one of the three components I (or Miss A or other people I’ve told) watch out for because it could make an episode worse or tell me that I may be slipping into one. The others are sleep (ing well) and eat (ing well).

On the subject of those three components, I haven’t been really eating all that well in the past few days. I know I have to eat – God knows how I survived that week in Hubei barely eating anything because everything to eat was too oily/way too spicy/indigestible. It’s just that when I make myself eat, it reminds me of why I didn’t want to eat in the first place. Which is confusing. And just plain bad.

I tried to do chem study today. Obviously that failed – I probably read half a one note page and then gave up. I.e. playing WoG/Peggle/Bejeweled/watching episodes of the West Wing. Fun, is it not? I really need to get out on Saturdays. Or just every second day of the holidays, probably. It’s not that I hate my house (a small portion may be to get away from my parent(s), depending on what day it is), it’s just I hate being cooped up at home. [Cue thoughts about domesticity and women, leading to world literature. Sigh.]

I should do some EE tonight or tomorrow, seeing as though the only EE-exclusive days we’re going to have are next week. Which just slightly fails. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some useful stuff done – though it’s dumb because there are only three music EE students… and I know for a fact Brendan is one of the most laziest people on Earth (no offence there), and I really don’t know much about Rudolf’s work ethic but they did both fail their music plans last term, so… It will be interesting. I’ll probably end up on my lonesome somewhere surrounded by books doing my own work. Which really wouldn’t be half bad. I’m still deciding on whether or not being away from my friends (most of whom are doing English/Psychology/History EEs) in the social sciences (or otherwise) library/ies is a good thing or not.

All in all, today’s been another pretty bipolar day. I was really, really tired this morning. And pissed. And thinking about death and all that ugly stuff. Now I’m not too bad… I’m still not happy though. Miles off. (Heh. The West Wing. Anyway.) You know, I wish there were certain moments in a day – like an hour or so? where people, wherever they were, whatever they were doing, whatever they were feeling that day, would just be happy. It would make every day, and life, worth living for, I think.

I hate myself like this – I guess it just means I have a whole crapload more thinking and brain sorting to do. Which again, will be fun, because those are two of my favourite hobbies. Though. I did nearly get to the bottom of the whole D breakup thing – whoever told me that things would be clearer after a few weeks or so was right. So these are the conclusions I have drawn. (Chem/physics/English much?)

We were into each other, but not very, very much. Looking back, after we broke up… I think I didn’t miss him as much as I missed the idea of him. And since that wasn’t clear enough, I spent another day thinking about how to describe this ‘idea’ concept theme (more!English references) whatever. It’s belonging. A sense of belonging… I think that explains it. Anyway. There was probably some kind of honeymoon period (as they call it), but it kind of disintegrated. I think. Because… he didn’t understand everything. He tried to ‘fix’ things for me, without comprehending what A, he was trying to fix, and B, how to exactly fix it. And then he got all annoyed when I tried to help him.

I’m a really messed up person, I guess. I promised myself toward the end of last year that by the end of this year, I would fix everything. Obviously, that hasn’t happened… but there are certain things and certain people who give me hope. Who make me smile and laugh and cry, who understand, really, and who I can see the shining light of recovery through. I now know it will take quite a bit longer than a year to work through everything, and to work through myself. I don’t want to give up, even though there are days (more often than not) where I’m barely hanging on. I have to keep reminding myself to live for these things and these people, that hope and strength are two of the very few weapons and shields I have left.

Finally. I leave the scarce number of people who read my blog (and the even scarcer who will read the whole thing) with my thinking aloud ToK notes I did last night. Have fun, peoples.

OTHER PERTINENT BITS AND PIECES
• Analysis of information & facts, NOT DESCRIPTION. (Like English. Yes.)
• Read criteria. (Again like English. And EE. HOT DAMN.) FOLLOW THE FREAKING CRITERIA.
• Exploration of issue = presenting different points of view, even if they are contradictory
• Try to reconcile different points of view/explain precisely why the incompatibility
• Do not have to choose one point of view as ‘correct’, but the ‘so there are different points of view all of which are equally valid’ approach should be avoided. (Unlike the situational/contingency leadership crap in business.)
• Abstract ToK principles are good. Despite their name.
• Try and see the implications of these principles
• Perhaps use these implications to reflect on the validity of the principles
• EXAMPLE TIME: If you are considering the argument for the death penalty which states that murderers lose the right to life, the principle seems to be ‘an eye of an eye’. But you could ask ‘what do we do with a thief? Or a rapist?’ The answers to these questions may or may not lead to a reformulation of the principle.
• Structure of presentation = IMPORTANT. (More English similarities).
• State explicitly the problems knowledge that are being analysed
• Retains clarity. Not employees.
• In the conclusion try to summarise (very briefly – one or two sentences) what you have said, and try to end with a forward-looking view. The future is bright and sunny. EMBRACE IT, CHILDREN.
• May be a summary of the main principles you have identified or some issues which have arisen and which have not been answered
• Do not just reiterate your arguments (ENGLISH. BUT MORE.)
• The end should ‘feel’ like a conclusion and not just be a ‘well that’s it’. (Like sex. Or something.)
• ORIGINAL THINKING = IMPORTANT. As well. Yes. This really shouldn't be a problem since our Opti-Minds presentation consisted of us poking and making Zibb make up random stories until we heard one we liked.
• I do think this is it. For the moment.

Lyrics to Change - by Carrie Underwood
What you gonna do with the 36 cents
Stick you with cork on your floorboard
When a woman on the street is huddled in the cold
On a sidewalk then trying to keep warm
Do you call her over
Hand her the change
Ask her her story
Ask her her name
Or do you tell yourself...

You're just a fool
Just a fool to believe you can change the world
You're just a fool
Just a fool to believe you can change the world

Oh, what you gonna do when you're watching TV
And an ad comes on, yeah you know the kind
Flashing up pictures of a child in need
For a dime a day you could save a life
Do you call the number
Reach out a hand
Or do you change the channel
Call it a scam
Or do you tell yourself...

You're just a fool
Just a fool to believe you can change the world
Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool to believe you can change the world

Oh, the smallest thing can make all the difference
Love is a lot, don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool to believe you can change the world

The world's so big
It can break your heart
And you just wanna help
Not sure where to start
So you close your eyes
And send another prayer into the dark


Just a fool
Just a fool to believe you can change the world
Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool to believe you can change the world

Oh, the smallest thing can make all the difference
Love is a lot, don't you listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool to believe you can change the world


I wish I would be able to get things right sometimes, you know?

I just accidently hit the enter button and now LJ is saying, Client error: Missing required argument(s). Which made me think of probability and all the argument stuff you do there. Story of my overwhelmingly sad life. Anyway.

Business paper 2 was even worse than paper 1. Which is cheery. I think I just picked the wrong questions to do. Moving on.

My sister's found out her Ironbark designation - Ironbark is this thing her school does for 4 weeks during grade 9, essentially it's a boot camp. So. It's at the very end of the year - so November-ish, and she's really pissed. However, and it is with veiled happiness that I say this, it's pretty awesome for me. She leaves on the 2nd, which is the day I start IB exams, which means no yelling and peace and quiet in the kingdom (sorry Gossip Girl) during my exam period. Magical.

Finally, and this is for Chiara, but if anyone else is particularly interested in my ToK presentation topic, feel free to spam this post. This is what me and my friend Zibb have at the moment, and we would appreciate any input to make it better, etc, etc.
To what extent do the easily accessible opinions on the internet colour (or discolour) the perception of books? [Could be literature]
I think we will be doing literature, though.

Fun day for all! Byes.

So, I sat my business paper 1 yesterday. I assume I'm allowed to talk about it now it's 24 hours after the end of the exam. Crazy IB and their vendettas on calculator lids. Anyway. In a nutshell, it was bad. There were easy questions, but there were like three of them, maximum about five. And DEADER failed for most of them. Which is just what I needed. Finally, in comparison to the May paper, this one was like trying to get the last bit of lipgloss out of a really long tube. (Sorry for the crap analogy.. I've been reading beauty blogs to find about foundations all day, as well as gossip blogs and stuff like that.) So it was bad. Hopefully paper 2 will be easier, and I'll get an okay mark overall. No point stressing now I guess, as I'll have to stress the couple of months or so until January 6th anyway.

On the bright side, I'm all up to date with my Gossip Girl and Glee episodes. Though I really should be studying in some kind of way other than having a past exam sit next to my laptop and having the May paper and markscheme open in some dimension on my laptop. I did tell my sister about above the line and below the line marketing today just before dinner, though. Hm. I'm getting reobsessed with The West Wing. Which can be good or bad depending on what you think. I'm rewatching all the episodes I have and re-falling in love with everything. Or everyone. Especially Sam and Josh. Sigh.

In a totally unrelated tangent, I was flicking through pictures of me and my sister when I was younger in the name of procrastination. And we were so happy then.. good times, I guess. Me and Dad had a kind of shouting match/fight today partly because he was being annoying and because I'm just blah sometimes, and normally I don't cry because I've learnt to deal with people and things poking holes or other crap into me. But yesterday was as especially bad day, and I cried just the tiniest bit. This was through breakfast, and halfway through eating, my sister started crying - because she didn't like people fighting. I felt so bad... I tried so hard to protect her from the worst of it last year, but she still has to deal with my being pissed at every animate and inanimate object every second day, and stuff like that. There's still piles and piles of crap and even worse stuff I still have to sift through, and I don't want to hurt anyone, least of all my sister, while all this sifting is going on... but I know that I'll need someone I love and trust to lean on, or else it's just going to sit and get worse.

Hey look. I turned into complain-y whiny girl just then. Damn. It's good just to get things out sometimes, I guess. As a side note, Leighton Meester's new single Somebody to Love has a crazy ass video. Very Lady Gaga-esque in some places. See below. How do you like them apples? - Amy. Now I'm going to go fail again at studying.

For fear of sounding somewhat whiny, please don't read this unless you really, really want to - normally I'd write this down, or type it into an email, but you know. It's been a week and about five days, and every day (and night, for that matter) I feel like crying my heart out. It's brought on one of my worse episodes, which is always fun - I haven't felt this way in a long, long time, and I was starting to get used to that. 

I guess I deluded myself into thinking that it would be easy - but, in the words of a wise, sagely woman, it actually 'hurts like crazy'. She then added that it'd make me go nutty if I let it, but I think that ship long sailed. I never knew what they meant by 'heartache', but I think I get it now. It physically hurts like all hell broken loose. I also think this whole saga (or what has happened of it) has made my stupid hormones go crazy, cause I really have no idea about how I feel about anyone at the moment. I'm reading too deeply into most things, which is typically a sign in itself, and I know if I get too carried away with any of this 'reading' I'm just going to end up in even more pain.

It's dumb, because it's normally good to be in control of what the hell your body and your brain are doing, but I don't think there's any chance of that happening any time in the near future. Half of my brain doesn't want me to talk about it, but the other half (that contains what common sense I have left) knows that I have to. It's similar to the whole having to be with other people and not alone thing during episodes. Which I guess applies quite well here too.

I'd been getting these weird feelings all week - a couple of days ago it was the slipping feeling... like there's this sliver of hope you're hanging onto for dear life, because you know that if you let go, then you drop into this dark abyss, and everything's screwed. But now I think it's more of a loneliness thing - the sense of feeling completely and utterly alone, even though there's masses of people around you. Parts of me have died already, and I have a feeling that there's more to come, which quite frankly, scares me to infinitesimally small pieces. I have no idea who I can talk to about this other than a tiny handful of people, and among those, at least one is IN a relationship so I don't want to depress her too much about what happens afterwards. And her relationship is one of those perfect ones, both from the inside and out. 

I might be one of those girls - who fixate on something that's dumb and never learn to let it go, but you know... baby steps. I'll get there, I hope. It'll take time... but I think I'll be able to climb out of the emotional foetal position I'm curled up in at the moment. In the meantime, chocolate + Jennifer Crusie/Marian Keyes will be the drugs.

Since I have nothing else really THAT important to do other than print out my physics prac, why not write a whole load of stuff here that no one will really read anyway? Yes. Let's do that. 

So. I got jabbed today for swine flu. Apparently if you get anaphylaxis from coming into contact with eggs, then you can't get vaccinated. Which is double fun, because then you'll be prone to swine flu (and possibly dying) and also to killer mutant eggs. Anyway. Injections were fun. Then I waited about a million years until my dad (nearly) went in to see the doctor. Bear in mind that we had an 11am appointment and I waited until about 12:30 or something like that. Afterrr that, I took the bus (free) to Altandi, and then walked to Pizza Capers, where Johnny, Sandra and I were going to have lunch. NEGATIVE. 

Apparently, Sandra decided to be lazy and wake up at the leisurely time of 11:20am, and then decided that she didn't want to walk the distance to Pizza Capers, so we ended up walking to Malaya instead. JOY. It actually wasn't too bad, except for me mishearing Johnny on the phone, so I was walking up and down this street going WTFTHEREISNONUMBERSIXTEEN for about five minutes and this creepy old lady staring at me doing so. So lunch was fun, and I figured out that Spanish Iced Coffee is just code-word for really weird tasting coffee, and Sandra has AIDS. And likes Woolworths shopping. 

Following. I walked over to Sunnybank Plaza and found that there's a Sex and the City Eau de Toilette. And the pink one smells funkily odd. I think the middle and bottom notes are just slightly retarded there. I figured there was no Priceline there, so promptly went back to the bus stop and went to Garden City. Where D was waiting. It was kind of inevitable that we were going to have this talk, so we did. For about an hour. Which ended up in us breaking up, though 'mutually', so no cheating, no big blow-up fight thing. Except I'm in denial now. Which is funny, because it didn't seem so bad the couple of hours afterward. Or a denial stage of a depressive opalescent episode. Something like that. I'd prefer not to talk about it. Which is fine, seeing as though I'm the one writing all this.

NEXT EXCITING EVENT = Awards Night. Yes. Exciting. In the boring sense of the word. Though we did spend like half an hour looking for the cello music, which was pretty frantic and hectic and etcetra. And Mr Henry assuming that because this important folder was missing, we weren't going to look for it.. no! We were just going to stand around talking about it. *facepalm* The rest of the night was relatively boring, but Zibb and I pretty much talked through the whole thing so it wasn't AS boring as it could have been. 

In other school related news, I have my Extended Essay Co-ordinator interview tomorrow. JOYOUSNESSNESS. It's odd that I'm first. Because I'm never first, on account of my first and last names both starting with letters at the end of the alphabet. Second oddity - most of the rest of the list is alphabetical. RETARDEDMUCH? I guess it really doesn't matter too much, because I'm basically on track, and if MR HENRY WOULD GET ME MY PHOTOCOPIES I could start drawing all over it and analysing the crap out of it. 

Finally, it's exceedingly difficult to be sarcastic over the interwebs, and gleegossipgirlgleegossipgirlgleegossipgirlgleegossipgirlgleegossipgirlgleegossipgirlgleegossipgirlgleegossipgirl!!

 I feel like there's two million other more important things I should be doing at the moment. It's probably true anyway. Since getting home, I have made 4 mugs of tea, baked two trays of non-cookie like cookies, downloaded and watched the latest episode of Glee and the associated songs and done a combination of no work. Which really isn't good, seeing as though I have a physics prac due next Tuesday and an EEC meeting on the same Tuesday. FUN.

Also.. I'm free on Saturday because no QYO, so if anyone in the Brisbane vicinity wants to do something somewhere (not insinuating anything sus there) then punch me or something. Continuing with the what's on this week thing, Honours peoples get to go to UQ for a 'fun-filled' day (i.e. not going to school and getting bored by assembly and business study day). I think we're doing something biotech/nanotech/engineering related, and since I have no interest in those areas whatsoever (also cause I'm not particularly partial towards physics) it should be fun. *nods* We get free food though, which is good. 

Andandandand. I get my new battery next week. YAY. Finally the ability to use my laptop for the purpose for which it was intended and not need a power point to do work. I don't think anything else exciting has happened in my life for the past few days I was capped. Kappa Kappa Gamma. (I don't know. Random tangents are awesome, though I do try to keep them to a minimum here. Same can't be said for conversations with Johnny though).

I'm sorry you've wasted some number of minutes reading random ramblings (alliteration much?) but there you are. Funtastically filled paragraphs about stuff. Unklydeedy.

 Because my CAS plan is yet to be approved, yay blog! We started Group 4 project today.. the action phase. Which in other words, means 'let's do your method and then spend the rest of the day doing nothing!!!', and basically that's what we did. Someone (*coughmattholdupandangelacough*) set off the fire alarm in the Design Tech room by burning nuts or something, so that was fun standing under sun on the oval at like the hottest time of the day. Anyway, we have to do a poster tomorrow which sounds.. fun. We still end at 1:10 in the afternoon so I guess that's okay. I have mando tutor tomorrow afternoon for which I have not completed the homework.. I may do that tomorrow morning at school if I have the will to do something like that. Which I probably won't, but oh well. 

I discovered Glee songs yesterday! By discover I mean download, and I love them all! Especially the ones with Kristin Chenoweth singing, because she is just epic awesome. But yeah, all of them are really, really good. On the topic of music, I'm not so screwed for QYO auditions, methinks now, because the fingering I had kind of figured out for the first excerpt turned out to be pretty stupid, and my own choice piece is one of the ones I played for my exam. I think it was the Bach piece I didn't really like, but oh well. I can probably play it to an okay standard. Hopefully. Which reminds me to bug Mr Henry about 'blank' copies of the first Bach suite so I can scribble all over it to start EE stuff. FUN. I should probably do some background research for that too. Just maybe. 

I'm a little over halfway through The Idiot and I'm considering giving up, but then again I gave up halfway through another Dostoyevsky book so I'm going to see how long I can keep reading it for and then start reading something slightly more interesting like The Age of Innocence. Hmph. On the topic of reading, we're starting Much Ado About Nothing soon at school for English so I've read it and I watched the movie last night on the premise of procrastinating without actually procrastinating. If that makes any sense. 

I reckon it's funny how my paragraphs are getting smaller and smaller as I progress. Anywho, I must bid adieu, but before that - I love you, D & Aman. ♥

 I was just talking to a friend of mine who'd just started going out with another really good friend of mine. Trouble is, this guy is not so good at relationships, and often comes and asks me for advice (or what I dish out in the form of advice). So, in a nutshell, today he was reading my friend Vivien's blog, and she hit on something that he thought may be problematic to his current relationship. Basically, what he said was that he really likes this girl he's going out with, more than anyone he's ever met before.. but what if there's someone else out there that he likes even more than her? By the way, this guy always does stuff like this all the time - I think he's just a tad self deprecating in a not-so-good way..

So this is what I said. (More or less). I said, just because there may be another girl out there that may be more perfect for you than the girl he's currently going out with, doesn't mean you have to freak out about it now. Just live in the moment for a bit. Like me and my boyfriend Dylan... I know that it's not going to last - I have friends who pick me up on that because they're like, 'you're being pessimistic!', but I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to marry him and live with him for the rest of my life. However, at this current moment in time, he loves me, and I love him, and I'm going to savour what we have for however long it lasts, because life is made up of little moments. And if you waste those little moments thinking about the future, then you'll have missed everything. 

Hopefully I got him thinking about the other side of the argument, though I'm not really sure if it's really Another side. 

On a brighter note, I've come back from three weeks in China! (Though I did come back yesterday and really couldn't be bothered blogging). So, it was fun. I made awesome friends at the university we stayed at and had marvelous fun shopping. Fake designer bags ftw. But (I think this is quite sad) the favourite thing I bought was Burberry perfume at Changi Airport at about 11:10pm at night before our connecting flight home. I love it though. I'm resisting the temptation to rip the packaging off since I haven't even used half of my current Beckham Signature for Her perfume. At least it was cheap(er) than in Australia.. actually I haven't seen Burberry being sold in Australia before. Hm. Maybe cause my designer brands are limited to Myer, David Jones and the Queen Street Mall. 

Sight seeing was fun too.. have way too many photos, and Facebook seems to not want to upload some of them. Which is annoying, since I've spent this morning and the best part of the afternoon watching movies and not doing work. Though there are three copies of my world lit open and my two world lit books and criteria sheet beside that, I have the markscheme for Paper 1 business open beside me and my EE stuff is out too. Epic win. I did do the tiniest bit of EE 'plan' yesterday, but the good part of yesterday was spent downloading and watching the three new Gossip Girl episodes. And now I'm downloading Glee episodes. I'm so screwed for next year, I swear. Also.. on a school note, Maths = NOT FAIL. Happy me. Though am slightly disappointed about English and Chem B.. it's all good cause I didn't fail maths and I A'ed Business. 

I'm going to stop rambling now and go and do some 'work' or something like that... maybe I'll read. I don't know. I'll probably continue internally swearing at the stupid Facebook non-uploading photo thing. Or write CAS Journals. Meh. I'll do something. Ciao.

 Physics wasn't too bad today - though there was this one question I had no godly idea about, and so made up the definition. The maths-y bits were quite good, I think - most of it was 'deduce' so they basically give you the answer and some random numbers and you have to match the number. It quite often helps when you have the right formula, but even so, it's quite simple to work out. Also, maths = units. So I figured out how to do stuff by units. Was quite interesting, really. 

I hope chem goes as well - but as history dictates, chem exams tend to be more difficult than physics ones. I think. I will kind of cram for chem tonight... there's really not that much to cram though. And do some more questionbank questions. As for mando, well, I'm pretty screwed. I think if I read over my texts about three hundred more times, I'll be able to retain at least some of that information and attempt to not epic fail my exam like I did last term. I think I'll probably remember the stuff we did in that last lesson in class where Leong made everyone speed write phrases and make sentences, though.

In other news, world literature essays suck. I mean, my world literature essay sucks. As (kind of) do the people marking them. [Sorry to the people I've already vented this to, but suck it up. You chose to read it.] I got both Alcorn and Townend to read it - at first Townend wasn't going to because of some reason or rather, but she did and that's confusion number 1. Confusion number 2 is that Alcorn picked up on bits that were pretty much EXACTLY the same as in my first draft and said to fix bits about those. I don't know why she didn't pick up on them the first time. Wouldn't have that made life so much damned easier? Confusion number 3. The two teachers disagree about stuff. Townend says one of my paragraphs is useless, while Alcorn thinks I have relevant ideas, but they're just jumbled at the moment. So right now I'm confused and annoyed and pissed and stressed. And that's always good the day before the day you have three and a half hours of exams. I'm thinking about deleting them off my laptop until Thursday.. cause then I won't have as major panic attacks as I will be having now.

I am being kicked out of a room now. So have funs, people.

 Todayyy. Was maths exams. Non calculator & calculator. What fun. I think I did badly. MOVING ON.

China trip talk tonight was funn. In the sense of hearing Richards' broken English again. Apparently we're not homestaying because Chinese authorities think we're going to bring swine flu to the university populace. LIKE SPENDING FIVE DAYS IN THE UNIVERSITY WON'T? Craaazy. Was funny though, my Dad's first reaction was, 'Because they don't them to spread their thoughts (freedom of thought/whatever) to the Chinese people?' I was like, fair enough.. but no. Also. I'm really scared that I will spend much money on stuff that I don't/won't need because I have no sense of delayed gratification whatsoever. 

In another news, I am mightily screwed for physics tomorrow. Hopefully I will be able to get through by bullshitting stuff about alternative energy sources.. though I really should learn definitions for atomic & nuclear. Though hopefully that won't be too hard.  Afterwardss I have to teach Lisa chem at the state library. Which will consist of my yelling at her to get her concepts right, and then descending into gossip... always fun. Then crammming mando. Again, fun. In the Johnny-definition of fun.

It's also raining. I love the smell of rain. As a random side note. I also got a new lip balm & gloss, because I lost them on Saturday. It wasn't actually too expensive, which is good. Because I'm poverty-stricken at the moment. 

Handed in world lit today.. hopefully I'll get it back before China and I can obsess over it then. Also, hopefully I will get a better mark for it, because I really, really love it now. As opposed to hating its guts out the first time through. Lisa went to get hers back today.. and that turned into about five people getting theirs back because of Ms Townend recognising people and having already marked theirs. Was funny.

Have finished the first Joy Fielding book I borrowed. It's a bit rushed at the end - the climax is a bit sudden and odd. But it's pretty okay written. I went to try and buy The Age of Innocence today and Borders didn't have a copy! I shall try Dymocks tomorrow.. need reading stimuli in China. Other than Lisa's two world literature essays.

It's been fun. Talking to a non-existent entity. Hopefully tomorrow I shall be optimistic about physics (unlikely). But now I have to go participate in a greek letter drawing competition because apparently lambda is cool and Nathan and I don't want to do physics. Which is fair enough, I guess. Laters.

At the moment, it's The Best Day, by Taylor Swift. Which is fair enough, considering how much I love the lyrics. Next is I'll Cover You (Reprise), from the RENT soundtrack, and then a little further down is For Good, from the Wicked Soundtrack. Because they're so awesome, youtube links!:


It's a clip from the movie, but the movie is awesomee. too.